Practice Self-Compassion and Forgiveness

This week we will focus on practicing self-compassion and forgiveness in order to quickly and effectively move past mistakes and setbacks and push ourselves toward greatness. This means learning as you go and preventing shame or self-hatred from holding you back. Giving yourself the same understanding that you extend to others is an essential step to living without guilt and pursuing your goals with energy.

Use Mistakes to Grow

When striving to become your best self it’s easy to get into a negative head space and beat yourself up for unavoidable set-backs and mistakes. Self-improvement often becomes a discouraging cycle of one step forward and three steps back. To break the pattern you must change the way you think about personal and professional blunders. Understand that making mistakes is part of the process and they are opportunities for growth, not just thorns in your side. 

You can learn from oversights without obsessing over them. Writing down your experiences and how you might do things differently if given a second chance can be a great way to get mistakes out of your system while preparing yourself for the next hurdle. Remember that avoidance is always ineffective and a one-time mistake may become a pattern without proper assessment. Getting back on the horse is important, but perhaps you should make sure the saddle is on properly before trying again.  

Acknowledge Your Limits and Push Them

It is hard to manage self-doubt and the feeling that, from the start, not every process, implementation, or strategy will be successful. Yet, you must give it 100% from the beginning and persevere to the end, no matter the barriers. This doesn’t mean that you blindly jump into a task without foreknowledge of the challenges it may hold. You have limits, and the tasks you create for yourself should reflect them. Don’t stack the odds against yourself to the detriment of your mental and physical well-being and the quality of the finished product.

Instead, adjust strategies to make your plan work for you. Keep track of patterns. You shouldn’t shrink in fear of danger and risk but you also shouldn’t rush in without the proper weapons. Challenging yourself is a great way to improve. Destroying yourself is not. Be realistic about your abilities and time management so you can optimize your capacity for excellence. Set off in pursuit of each goal with the mindset of someone who is ready to improve.  

Be Gentle with Yourself

Acknowledging your limits is a great step, but it takes more than that to move on effectively. You must also acknowledge that your limits are not a blight on your character. You’re not weak for needing rest. Sleep, food, and participation in enjoyable activities are necessary for a productive lifestyle. Your ability to do a task may rest on your need for help or it may lie in your need for time alone. We’re all made differently but we also all need compassion and a gentle hand that gives us what we need even if it means a task doesn’t get done as quickly or effectively as it could if you were someone else.

Make an effort to check in with yourself daily. If you have a recurring sense of exhaustion or anxiety, it might be a reflection of how you are approaching a task rather than a reflection of a flaw in your character. Practice forgiving yourself for being tired, hungry, or inexperienced, and take the steps needed to recover and learn. Take a nap or eat a snack. Be creative and indulge in a productive activity you genuinely enjoy like taking a walk or reading a book. Being gentle with yourself doesn’t mean giving up, being selfish, or letting yourself be lazy. Do what needs to be done to complete the task and stay mentally and physically healthy while you’re at it. 

Discuss with Others

Everyone has a tendency to be blind to their own needs and obsessed over mistakes or character flaws. Having someone beside you to help you honestly sort through feelings of self-doubt and shame can help you sort legitimate concerns from bouts of overthinking. Others can view your struggles with a more unbiased eye and give constructive criticism when needed and encouragement when deserved. Often you are your own worst critic, so get a second opinion. 

This should be someone you’re close to, who knows you well enough to get at the true root of your struggles while having the ability to be honest with you. You could also plug into multiple sources of feedback from people whom you trust and respect and who may have gone through similar struggles. They should be good listeners with kind hearts. Tell them your worries, be honest about your opinion of what the problem is, and see if they have the same impression. The point of this exercise is to get a balanced view of your situation so that you can adjust appropriately. You’re looking for objective criticism with compassion and without malice or cruelty. 

Conclusion

Practicing compassion and forgiveness to yourself is an uphill battle but once you’ve learned to live without shame and to pursue your goals with confidence and a posture of learning, all kinds of possibilities appear. Learn from your mistakes and give it another shot with all your might while making adjustments for where you are in life and what works for you as an individual. Collaborate with other individuals to find better solutions.    

For more blogs in this series, check out the links below. If you have any questions, contact me at the information below.